There were dried earthworms beneath our bare feet.
You and I chasing each both chasing each other in fields as vast as cities, with racing hearts and wandering eyes that venture to the ends.
Where the grass eventually meets the gravel.
This night was darker than any other night.
The summer seeps in and I peer into those blue eyes just like the ocean.

They will swallow me whole.

Every last fragment in the air. Every single brittle was just something else. I am walking around like a dirty mangy dog just looking for something to piss on. The city is so ghastly. These people would absolutely kill to be like you, but that’s the problem they would not know genius if it was in there face.

Another hot miserable night downtown. I have this dark black two-button suit which is now completely soaked. I take the jacket off and peel out two cigarettes. I post up on a wall and begin to unfold. The lighter graces the loose cigarette fixated between my lips. I reach in my pocket for some chap stick to soon find out it’s completely useless in this situation. I loosen the black tie around my neck and unbutton my top button of my white shirt. Just letting the smoke fill the air. Wasting away the night.

I have no clue what I am doing here. I walk back inside watching every step. Knowing everyone is looking at the disgruntled brother. Did I forget to mention this was at my brother’s wedding. In which I introduced him to the girl of my dreams.  Just sh*t like that gets to me. Gets real deep under my skin and torments the hell out of me.

Someone jerks my shoulder.

Jack are you alright?

I turn and I know this look is going to kill. If anything at all. If it be the last thing I do, this look will kill.

Yeah, my own flesh and blood is getting married. Why wouldn’t I be happy.

They turn and go off into the crowd. Now I know I have the full attention of the crowd. Everything is behind me. I feel like I am placed into a corner and everyone is looking at me. That whole concept of being alone in a crowded room just fills every last pore on my skin. I feel everyone around just so consumed by the disgust of the matter. The unmarried brother. That’s a hard title to carry around.

I finally pause. Look up and see someone kneeled in front of me. This younger girl probably in college.

Hey there. You’re Jack right?

I guess you can say that.

Do you mind if I take a seat beside you?

No, not at all.

I look down at her feet because I don’t think she could stand the sight of my face. Her eyes were glowing blue just like an ocean. She was short, not too graceful, but by God was she cute. This little dress.

Hey Jack, what do you think about this?

I pause. She just completely took something away from me. She just broke my stream; it’s as though she has walked into my already closed door.

I’m sorry I did not catch that name.

Oh of course, I am so sorry. Madeline Sinclair.

No middle name Madeline?

Yes, its Ainsley.

What about you?

Its just Jack, Madeline.

Every single beat in the back of my head slows down it was all so loud in my head. Nothing but murmurs now. The lighting in the room dims and everything else just cease to exist. Every single thing but her voice. I could not grasp the reason. She just would not stop talking. But then she stood up. The music turns up, the lights go back to filling the largely vast room.

Jack, lets do something right now.

At the point there is no more haste in me. My legs start to straighten and go erect I am out of my seat. I am wrapping my arm around this girl and my mouth is in full speed. I am grabbing a drink and headed outside. Madeline around my arm. A dashing girl everyone in the room face looked in awe as I left with her.

Jack you know what you have charm.

I just go with it because as far as I know this is all I have. My brother will not miss me. My parents hardly know I exist. For once I have someone that is not cold-hearted around. Someone to warm me.

Jack, I hear you are writing a book.

You’ve heard right I suppose.

What’s the title?

If Love Exists.

So now you are a romance novelist.

No, its not a romance novel. More like a realist novel.

Oh okay.

I push away from all of this. Everything starts to fade, but I
am still with Madeline.
One breath at a time, that is what I keep telling myself. I push for every breath. Every last one. This was a lot harder than I thought. I still do not know where the hell I am. The summer is taking its toll on me. The heat is wiping out whole memories. Every last facet of a memory but her. She grabs my hand and delicately intertwines our fingers and its just so entrancing.

Jack are you still here?

Yes of course.

So who is the book about again?

This girl Emily.

Did you love her?

I thought so.

I point over to the roof where I stood summers ago with Emily. A different climate. A different world. Somewhere else. Somewhere I painted in my head. A whole summer I chased to find out when the summer ended everything died. The fiery torment of the summer had left everything stale in the air. The sole fire that burned inside was caught on my a smoldering winter. A harsh winter. I did everything to regain footing with her but all efforts lost. She turns to me.

Jack just hold me.

Madeline.

Just.

I grab one shoulder and my arms meet to fill her. My body engulfs her all together. My eyes grow weary. I open my arms slightly to see she is gone. The omnipresent dark night turns into  bright and sunny morning. The sun begins to rise. I slouch on a curb feeling the sun seep down into my heavy soul. Another dog day. Another day searching for something to piss on. I just walk off to see if love exist.

I’ll wait for another night to carry me away.